Turn Over

I have been working at the cafe for almost ten weeks. About three months time.
In this amount of time I have seen two of our ladies have four boyfriends each.
The love triangles that form when you live with the same people for 24/7!
It's CRAZY!
The past few days Rodger has been missing. Roger is one of the guys who was on the street but wanted to get his life straight again.
He got into the shelter and started volunteering at the cafe. He went to conferences with us and was working hard to get his life back together. About two weeks ago Rodger got really quiet and quit talking. This morning David, one of our other volunteers, found Rodgers ID card and volunteer pass laying on his bed. All of Rodgers stuff was gone. He hit the high trails.
We hope he comes back. Its sad to loose him. We all spent a lot of time talking to him and encouraging him to do the right thing.
Lesson numero uno: Some times when you help people and do all you can for them they leave and go back to their old life.
Lesson numero dos: It's okay

Debbie

Today we gained a new volunteer.
Her name is Debbie. She has been hanging around for about a month now.
She is really sweet. Larent, our new cup washer, water fetcher , is good friends with Debbie.
Every morning when she comes in he sneaks over and hands her three Sweet n' Low because hs can't have sugar. Its pretty romantic.
I told Debbie I would be leaving soon and she needed to take my place. I told her sometimes people just need some one to talk to and that she had a lot of offer the people. Even if it was just hugs. I think she will stick around for a little while. She lives in the shelter that is right next door to the cafe. I am excited to see what happens with her.
We are loosing a lot of people to tent city. Tent city is a homless village with showers, tents that lock, and washers and dryers. You have to have a voucher to get in. Once you get in you are given a bus pass and a free place to stay. Its a pretty sweet deal. The police don't even interfere with the drug trafficking that goes on there.
It is not a place I want any of the people in our cafe going too.
I've really grown to love the people there and it will be sad not to see them every day.
I think I will wonder what becomes of all of them.

Pride

Today I asked George if he planned to stay homeless.
He told me he didn't, but he doesn't seem like he is in any huge hurry to get things together.
He had appointments with the counselors today to look at his resume so hopefully he'll find a job soon. I asked him if he would consider working at a crappy job for a little while to save some money. He said " What like McDonalds! You have got to be outta your mind!".
I meet so many people who won't take jobs because they are more qualified than the jobs require.
There is this sense of pride among the homeless that says there are some things I just won't do.
But would I do them? I can't imagine being a software engineer for a huge company, having a stroke and then ending up homeless and working at Taco Bell.
But it's work right? So maybe I would.
Some times I wish I had a frying pan to carry around. I could just thump people over the head and then they would magically realize that they have to work.
Maybe George will get the job he is looking for.
He has only been homeless for three months. Maybe if he doesn't get a job he wants he will work some where crappy to get ahead.
I think I would have that pride as well. But then again the poorest of the poor in the world live off less than a dollar a month or something crazy like that.
So any American working at McDonalds is still in the very small portion of the world that RICH.

Friends

Time has passed quickly and I find myself among friends when I arrive at the shelter.
We are always happy to see each other after a long weekend.
Its strange because I feel like I need to view the people I work with more as clients and less like friends. But they are more friends than anything.
Today I had an interesting encounter with Miz Mathis. She was talking about some pretty crazy things and I realize more and more that she really needs help.
I want to find a way to get her help, but I don't think she would take it. She would choose her crazy life of freedom over a safe, non-violent life where she was trapped inside buildings.
That is probably the hardest part. So many of the homeless people don't take help when they can get it.
I think shame and pride stops them the most out of anything.
I have to check myself because that makes me angry. I am always thinking that they should do whatever it takes to get out of their situation no matter what kind of help they have to take to get out.
I have to constantly put myself in their shoes and think what I would do.
I think I've come to the conclusion that some people just aren't that desperate. The ones who are do what ever they can to get back on their feet and they do.
So how do we enable the rest of the group to move on and see a better way of life and achieve it?

Rain

What do homeless people do when it is raining and they have to walk everywhere?
I wondered this a few weeks ago, and today I found out!
They strip down to their bottoms and their undies and they wear trash bags. The men wear clear trash bags and the women wear your standard black.
They are pretty genius.
Rain complicates everything because it ruins their place to sleep, their travel and their work if they have any. You always see those poor souls on the side of the street getting drenched by mini tsunami's from cars driving by. This has been the talk of the cafe.
" How many times did you get soaked yesterday?" Joe asks.
" Twice, I beat the bast**ds yesterday. They can't soak me. I know how this thing works" says Frank.
" Yeah. I hate the rain"...
Its crazy how I think walking to my car in the rain is so annoying and those people have to walk for miles in the rain.
Today we also had a crazy moment. A guy came in from off the street, immediately walks into the cafe and starts cussing at every one.. during devotions. So of course immediately three guys stand up to defend Cory ( who is giving devotions) and I just sit and stare, deer in the head lights style and wait to see what happens. Cory jumped up and talked to the guy and he ended up getting some coffee and sticking around.
I have no clue how I would have handled that situation if I was the one giving devotions!

Prayer in Closets

Today we started decorating our prayer closet.
There weren't that many in the people in the cafe today. I think that had a lot to do with the fact we didn't have any snacks.
The prayer closet is exciting. At previous cafe's that have been started with the Salvation Army there have been 24hr prayer rooms.
As we started to decorate we got one of the girls who has been coming to the cafe for some time to come over and help us decorate. At first she was hesitant but after a few minutes she got excited and looked like she was a little more comfortable.
I think the lady might be a lesbian and she gets a lot of flack about it out on the patio where she sleeps. She was a victim of hurricane Katrina and has been displaced ever since the storm hit.
There are a lot of frustrated people at the cafe.
One of the sweetest ladies has been going out every morning at four am. to try and get into the day labour pool but every day she comes back with no work. I wish I could find a job for her. She is the sweetest lady. I wonder what she thinks about Jesus too.
I don't know but its really frustrating for me to see some one who is trying so hard to do the right thing and she cant get ahead at all. Other people are working the system and abusing the gifts they have been given.
I hope people pray in our prayer closet.
It has stars in it!

Spagetti

Raspy Voice Ron has a Spagetti Run!
Every Monday night, Ron who lives in the slum, goes out and buys noodles and sauce. He cooks it and serves it to the homeless downtown. And they love him.
Ron is so rich in love. He does a great job caring for the people on the street.
He lives in a slum yet he takes time and puts forth the effort to feed those who are worse off than he is. Ron amazes me! He doesn't even have the money to pay for enough water to shower every day, yet he spends his money on feeding people.
The more and more I am at my internship I am beginning to realize that maybe God hasn't called me to just go to work and help people and then go home. Perhaps he is calling me to give of myself and my money and my time.
Maybe I need to live life in a different way. I'm not sure what that looks like. But when I see people from the cafe out on the street selling papers on Sunday mornings or sleeping in a park down town, I can't help but see them and think, " hey, that's my friend". Details about their life and who they are come to my mind and they aren't just homeless people or people I talk to at a cafe from 8:30 to 1:30 Monday through Friday.
They are Raspy voice Ron who would give you the shirt of his back and Keith the news paper guy who sleeps on his sail boat.
They are the least of these, the beloved, the bride of Christ.
Why don't I make spagetti for the homeless every Monday night?

Return

Today, Dennis returned.
George and Dino are still gone, but Dennis is back.
I saw him briefly and I told him we missed him and were glad he was back.
He told me that he will be going to prison on Saturday for 18 years for possession of illegal substances. He says he has a lot of felonies so they want him in the slammer.
It makes me really sad because I like Dennis. Some where deep down I know he has a heart. I don't think I have ever seen him when he wasn't high. I know his heart aches for a better life.
But he won't take the hard walk to freedom and get clean.
So now he will go to jail.
Conclusion: You can't help people who don't want to get better.

Norm

Norm. Animaited. He can only hear out of one ear.
He rides a bike every where. He plays the piano at a church on Sunday.
Whenever I see him he is wearing bermuda shorts with a man-tank top.
His best friend just went missing and he has lost all the family he ever had.
It's really hard to talk to Norm because he gets really close to you and he some times spits when he talks. He also gets upset very easily when you disagree with him.
It takes patience to sit with Norm and listen. He is awkward some times.
He is not very love-able.
He is always interested in other peoples lives. He wants to know where you are from and how old you are. He likes to find out what bothers you and what you think about the weather.
If you don't show up one day he was worried about you and wondered where you were.
How do I love Norm? I think probably just sitting and listening to him means more to him than anything else.
I am wondering what the people at the cafe need more, treatment for their problems or love.
If I could love Norm like Jesus would, I wonder how his life would change.
I wonder how my life would change.
How do you love some one professionally? I don't know if that can work.

Miz Mathis

Miz Mathis lives in a whole 'nother world.
She usually comes in every day to get her coffee.
She wears 4 crosses and one medallion of the virgin Mary and one crucifix for "sinners".
Today she came in and sat down at her usual table and instead of getting coffee like she usually does, she got lemonade. Everything was completely normal until she started to put cream and sugar into her lemonade. Once she had measured the proper amount into her coffee mug, she began to furiously whip her lemonade concoction.
I walked over and asked her what she was making " Ice cream" she told me.
" This is how them Italians do it, yes. Yes sir..." And she just kept whipping away.
She is probably one of the craziest ladies I have ever met. She is hilarious.
Miz Mathis has two sons and we aren't quite sure how old they are but they are out there some where. I wonder if Miz Mathis is out at the shelter on her own accord, or if she is because of her mental incompetencies. I wonder if her sons are looking for her or care where she is.
I like talking to Miz Mathis and half the time she talks about things that don't make any sense. Some times she comes in all beat up. She says that she starts the fights and she jumps on people. Some how I doubt that's true.
I wish I could do more for her or help her some how.
But a life on the street where she is free to go where she wants almost seems better than a life in a metal institution behind bars where she would live her life in a medicated fog.
The new helpers continue to be amazing in taking on the coffee making duties!
I like it because I spend less time washing cups and more time talking to people.
One of the guys has even opened his own community house. He rents out different parts of his old house to the homeless and has bible study. He just got engaged and is buying a house. He just got a truck! He is doing amazing!
It's awesome to see two men who have gotten out of the life of homelessness and now live their lives for Jesus who saved them. Now in turn they are giving their lives back to the people they used to sleep next to on the street.
I think this is how it's supposed to go .

Gone

Well, Dino the painter has left us! Word on the street is that he went off to California!
He was such a nice old man and he really needs a family to take him in.
I wonder what would have happened if some one would have done that already. He would have a place to live and a home and a place to share his art and be a part of a family.
I hope he finds what he is looking for in California and some one there takes him in.
This week in the cafe we are studying Exodus. The book of the wandering people under oppression. Its taken us one week to get through the first 3 verses. The text is rich in stories and we have been going back through Genesis to learn who the Israelites were.
We have quite a few people coming to class now! Even a few regulars.
I do wonder if these people will ever get it. When will the Gospel click for them?
We have two more helpers this week!
One of the sweetest old men has come into the shelter and has joined in with us to help run the cafe. He is skinny, skinny old man and he wears the same hat every day!
He is good at busing the tables and refilling the coffee.
I'm starting to think that if we took these men, and a few of the women who were really committed to turning their lives around and opened a small business it could be phenomenal!
They work hard. They have skills.
This could be great.

Missing

This week many of our usual cafe patrons have gone missing!
This could be good or bad. I can only help to think, at least some one realizes they're gone.

It's a weird feeling to spend the majority of your time with homeless people. I spend more time talking and listening to these people than most of my friends.
So the concept of separating work from your personal life and your ministry is very strange to me. Especially when you are investing in lives and hoping for change. When you tell people about Jesus and do as much as you can to help get them on their feet and away from a crappy life style, its pretty huge when they go missing.
As a Christian am I really called to separate myself from these every day situations and these people or am I called to live among them and share life with them?

Visitor from another world

Yesterday my friend ( client?) Dino from the cafe came to visit me at work.
He is a dear old man and he was with man who he has become friends with recently. I think the man has taken him under his wing and is working to get Dino housing and maybe even a meal or two here and there. This is great to see happening because it is essential of the community to get involved in helping people. What ever D's problems may be, he has a huge need for people in his life who do not live, talk, or think like a homeless person.
Later on I got to thinking, is it weird that he came to see me? I told him where I worked. He is the only person I have told because I think D is harmless. And it did not interrupt my work and I felt safe. So I think it was ok.
My supervisor Cory is very wise about who he lets into the other part of his life. The part outside the cafe. He actually has a man living with his family that used to be homeless. The man has come light years from where he was when Cory first met him. It all started with Cory asking is the man wanted to stay on his couch. One night turned into almost 2 years now. And now the man helps us run the cafe.
With the Salvation Army it is very evident that life and work are ministry and the two are not separate.
I see the value in that because our lives need to be a ministry. But it is good for me to realize as well that many times in the kind of work I will go into that will not be the case.
I am reminded that I need to be very cautious of with whom I share information.
I do not regret telling Dino where I work and I hope he comes to visit me again. It did remind me that not every one is a 70 year old man.
Lesson: When confronted with visitors from the "world of work" be kind and professional. Choose wisely to whom you will reveal personal details.

Tactics of ... Avoidance?

So, what do you do when you get hit on every day?
How do you prevent it? How do you dress professionally yet not too attractively?
" How old are you?" they ask me.
I have developed various answers to that question " It's not polite to ask a lady her age!"
or my favourite " How old are YOU?" When they hesitate I usually say " excuse me, I need to refill my coffee..."
This could be a huge issue in working with adult men. I have been asked for my phone number probably fifty times in the course of 8 weeks or so.
Also one of the guys who volunteers at the shelter is always flirting with me and he has even touched my hair a few times... AWKWARD. I feel like approaching him about the matter would create huge, unnecessary drama( he is a really dramatic guy) so I have developed a tactic of avoidance. Tactic of Avoidance: Do not give more than a slight smile, do not have conversation, avoid the person , seek the company of of others and stay in conversation with others, NEVER BE ALONE WITH THEM!
It never really occurred to me that this could be an issue. The challenge: keeping Godly femininity in tact while being as professional as possible.
This could be an attitude and a way of speaking more than a way to dress...

The Miracle Question

In counseling there is this technique called "The Miracle Question".
I think it is my favourite question to ask people because it tells you where they are and where they would like to go.
Today I asked my friend Dennis the miracle question. Dennis is probably the most unlovable person I have ever met, yet still lovable at the same time.
A little while ago we had some hair stylists volunteer and give free hair cuts to all the people who live outside on the porch as well as the people who live inside the shelter. A hair cut can make a world of difference.
After Dennis got his hair cut he some how looked more human. Instead of just seeing a homeless junkie when I looked at him, I could see a young university student and a businessman. He even seemed to hold his head up higher. He stopped wearing a hat every day.
So, the miracle question. I asked him " If a miracle happened tonight while you were sleeping and you woke up tomorrow and everything was fixed what would be the first thing that would be different from now?" He didn't even hesitate and while looking down at his hand full of cards he said " I would be off drugs. That would fix my whole life probably".
Imagine that. The guy who comes in every day high, talking about what drugs he did last night or what he has in his pocket. Even Dennis wants his life back. How human is that?
I knew it was in there some where.
I think the challenge in this situation is to keep a distance and not get too emotionally involved.
Its good for me to see the heart in people. Rough people still have hearts.
I need to start assuming every one has a heart even if it's layered under 1o years of
life on heroine, disappointment and cynicism.
Yeah.

Raspy Voice Ron

So Ron is this guy with one tooth. He is hilarious! His voice sounds like the raspyness has been developed over 30 years of smoking and alcohol consumption. It sounds like it hurts when he talks. Naturally being very curious about the raspyness of Ron's voice I finally got the nerve to ask him about it. It turns out that Ron has esophageal cancer!
I freaked out on him and all he would say is " Ahhh ( think raspy voice here...) I got the big man upstairs takin' care of me. I'm not worried".
The thing that gets me is that Ron still smokes. !!!! What is he THINKING! I think this is the general attitude I find myself having about most of the people: What are you thinking?!?!
I have to stop myself and ask, what are you thinking?
Today we watched some videos on youtube and the response was interesting to say the least.
We watched various salvation army commercials and then we watched a music video by Sarah McLachlan called world on fire. The video was made for 15 dollars and the rest of the 15,000 dollars was sent to places that desperately needed the money. The whole video was about ways you could spend the money. It was crazy to see people really thinking about the reality that some one could be poorer than they are. You could literally see their wheels turning and for a good minute the whole room sat in complete silence.
I am really seeing that in order for people to become well, many times it takes broadening their world view. I think the idea of introducing these very poor, yet very rich homeless to the desperate and dying people of the rest of the world is essential.
Many of the people at the cafe have attended college. They are part of that slim one percent of the world that has college education!
They are being fed, they have clothes, they have opportunity. I want them to realize how rich they are. I want to realize how rich I am .